this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My underwear smells like fireworks.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
