Someone shit on the floor
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
