its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
