i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
