Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
