Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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