i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
