Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
