I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
