shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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