You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
