at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
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