Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
