I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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