Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
