I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
