Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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