Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
