I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
