your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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