Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
