he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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