Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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