Having a random hookup so left but love u
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
