I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
