I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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