I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize