I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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