I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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