if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
