I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
