and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
