I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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