So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
