hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
