Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
