I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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