i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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