plz talk dirty to me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
