Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
