Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just high enough for therapy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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