dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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