Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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