It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
