I wanna passion pit in your ass
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
