he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
