My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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