someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
