I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
