Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
