just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
