In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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