when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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