census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
