You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize