im having a threesome with these popsicles
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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