i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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