Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
