i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize