even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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