is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
