turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
