Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
