just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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