but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
