Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
