I'm eating all of the evidence.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
