I just made out with a guy for $7.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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