found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize