there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
