I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
