ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
