I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
