this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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