dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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