before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
