Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
